We’ve all heard it. In Islamic Shar’ia, there is a law pertaining to every facet of human life. I have, myself, heard that there are even laws for the most private of functions. I’ve found these laws in a book called “The Reliance of the Traveler” (“A Classic Manual of Islamic Sacred Law”).

My point in quoting these laws is not (necessarily) to draw attention to absurdities within them. Bearing in mind that these rules were originally set down for a desert-dwelling people, some of them make sense. Rather, my purpose is to demonstrate the extent of the “sacred law” regarding one tiny portion of the human condition.

e9.0 GOING TO THE LAVATORY

e9.1 It is recommended when one needs to use the lavatory:

(1) to put something on one’s feet, unless there is an excuse (such as not having shoes;

(2) to cover the head (even with only a handkerchief or other);

(3) to set aside anything on which there is the mention of Allah Most High, His messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace), or any revered name (like those of prophets or angels). If one enters with a ring (on which something worthy of respect is written) one closes one’s hand around it;

(4) to ready stones (or other suitable material, if one uses them) to clean oneself (though water alone is sufficient);

(5) to say before entering : “In the name of Allah. O Allah, I take refuge in You from demons, male and female.” And, after leaving : “O Lord, Your forgiveness. Praise be to Allah who rid me of the hurt and gave me health”;

(6) to enter with the left foot first and depart with the right foot first (and this, together with (3) and (5) above are not only for indoors, but recommended for outdoors as well);

(7) not to raise one’s garment until one squats down to the ground (to keep one’s nakedness covered as much as possible) and to lower it before one stands up;

(8) to put most of one’s weight on the left foot while squatting;

(9) not to spend a long time;

(10) not to speak;

(11) when finished urinating, for men to squeeze the {word deleted due to censorship} with the left hand from base to head (recommended because this is where the urethra is, and for women to squeeze their front between thumb and forefinger) (so urine does not exit later and nullify one’s ablution) pulling lightly three times (this being recommended when one thinks the urine has stopped, though if one thinks it has not, this is obligatory);

(12) not to urinate while standing (which is offensive) unless there is an excuse (such as when standing is less likely to spatter urine on one’s clothes than sitting, or when sitting is a hardship);

(13) not to clean oneself with water in the same place one relieved oneself, if it might spatter, though if in a lavatory one need not move to another place;

(14) to distance oneself from others if outdoors and to screen oneself;

(15) not to urinate in holes, on hard places, where there is wind, in waterways, where people gather to talk, on paths, under fruit trees, near graves, in still water, or in less than 216 liters of running water;

(16) and not to relieve oneself with one’s front or rear facing the sun, the moon, or the Sacred Precinct in Jerusalem.

e9.2 It is unlawful to urinate on anything edible, bones, or anything deserving respect, a grave, or in a mosque, even if in a receptacle.

e9.3 It is unlawful to urinate or defecate with one’s front or rear towards the direction of prayer when outdoors and there is no barrier to screen one, though it is permissible when outdoors or indoors within a meter and a half of a barrier at least 32 centimeters high, or in a hole that deep. When one is not this close to such a barrier, it is not permissible except in a lavatory, where, if the walls are farther from one than the maximal distance, or shorter than the minimal height, relieving oneself with front or rear towards the direction of prayer is permissible, though offensive.

e9.4 It is obligatory to clean oneself of every impure substance coming from one’s front or rear, though not from gas, dry worms or stones, or excrement without moisture.

e9.5 Stones will suffice to clean oneself, though it is best to follow this by washing with water. Anything can take the place of stones that is a solid, pure, removes the filth, is not something that is deserves respect, is worthy of veneration, nor something that is edible (these being five conditions for the validity of using stones or something else to clean oneself of filth without having to follow it by washing with water).

But it is obligatory to wash oneself with water if:

(1) one has washed away the filth with a liquid other than water, or with something impure;

(2) one has become soiled with filth from a separate source;

(3) one’s waste has moved from where it has exited (reaching another part of one’s person) or has dried;

(4) or if feces spread beyond the inner buttocks (meaning that which is enfolded when standing) or urine moved beyond the head of the {word deleted due to censorship}, though if they do not pass beyond them, stones will suffice.

It is obligatory (when cleaning oneself with a dry substance alone) to both remove the filth, and to wipe three times, even when once is enough to clean it, doing this either with three pieces (stones) or three sides of one piece. If three times does not remove it, it is obligatory to (repeat it enough to) clean it away (as that is the point of cleaning oneself. Nawawi says in “al-Majmu” that cleaning oneself (with a dry substance) means to remove the filth so that nothing remains but a trace that could not be removed unless one were to use water.) (and when this has been done, any remaining effects of filth that could only have been removed by water are excusable) An odd number of strokes is recommended. One should wipe from front to back on the right side with the first piece, similarly wipe the left with the second, and wipe both sides and the anus with the third. Each stroke must begin on a point of the skin which is free from impurity.

It is offensive to use the right hand to clean oneself of filth.

e9.6 It is best to clean oneself of filth before ablution, though if one waits until after it to clean, the ablution is nevertheless valid (provided that while cleaning, the inside surface of the hand does not touch the front or rear private parts).

If one waits until after one’s dry ablution to clean away filth, the dry ablution is not valid (because lack of filth is a condition for it).

Obviously, for the Muslim, the act of relieving him/herself is nothing short of a ritual.  I can think of no other religion that has any requirements for how to perform eliminatory functions.

It may be called Shar'ia, or Islamic law, but my friends--it's Islam.  In the eyes of its adherents, this is the perfect way to live, and everybody in the entire world must be made to live this way.  By the word, and by the sword, this is what Islamists are working toward.